Painfull Realizations
by McGeek Girl
Summary: Song Fic. Hermione spends Winter Holiday contemplating a shift in her, Ron, and Harry's friendship.


Word Count: 1,103………(you don't even realized how bloody amazing that is for me)

Disclaimer:………..Seriously, do you think I'm completely mental??

Spoilers: None I think, I'm pretty much making up every detail, so there _shouldn't_ be any

Warning: Slash, though mostly just implied………I've been reading a lot of it lately so yeah, if you don't like boy/boy stuff, please exit in an orderly fashion, thank you :-)

A/N: This is my first fic, just felt inspired I suppose. The song is Como Me Duele, by La Factoria. I'll post a (hopefully well) translated version of the song at the end *I kinda suck at translating though, so if you figure a better one, let me know. *

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She'd locked herself in her room since the beginning of Christmas holiday. Her parents asked her what was wrong when they picked her up from the station, and again when they returned to their home, they'd noticed the tears threatening to fall from her brown eyes. She didn't say a word to them, simply ran to her room locking the door and throwing herself upon her bed after putting on the c.d. another sixth year had given her, the girl had said the song was appropriate for what she was going through and told her to borrow it for as long as she wanted.

**Se que ya te fuiste de mi lado  
quise arrancarte de mi piel  
pero me di cuenta que aun te amo  
anoche mas que nunca te extrañe**

It had taken a week of the holiday for the truth of the matter to sink in, he didn't care for her in the way she wanted. Not only that but he never had and never would.

He told her just after exiting the train, she'd attempted to kiss him goodbye and he'd felt obligated to finally tell her the truth. She'd suspected for months but had been in denial, thinking, hoping, that it couldn't possibly have been true, if only because they would have told her earlier.

**y llore y sufri pensando en ti  
y llore y sufri porque me acorde de ti  
Ay como me duele, ay como me duele  
Ay como me duele el corazon porque aun te amo**

She tried her best to forget him, forget all the subtle signs of their relationship that she had noticed but ignored for the reason of their being best friends. She couldn't though.

Lying on her bed halfway through the holiday she remembered the first time she'd thought there was something more between them.

_~ It was the first night back from summer holiday, they sat alone in the common room, unknowing that she'd woken up and was sitting on the stairs trying to justify what she was seeing. _

_The gorgeous redhead with insanely blue eyes that she'd fallen hard for the first she saw him was holding the brunette boy closely. The boy with cerulean eyes looked down into those shining emeralds of the other and gently wiped away the few tears that had escaped from the corners of his eyes. _

_ "It's just getting harder, y' know? I mean you'd think I'd have gotten use to it all by now, but I haven't and I don't think I ever will."_

_ "Harry, no one with a sane mind would ever think you could get used to all of this. The day any of it is easy to handle on your own is the day you become inhuman, mate, and you know that."_

_Ron pushed some of Harry's hair out of his eyes, exposing his scar. The action held emotion that Hermione refused to believe was there._

_ "Yeah, I guess," Harry leaned against Ron's shoulder; "at least I haven't had to deal with everything alone like I used to."_

_ "And you never will have to again Harry. I promise I'll always be there, right beside you."_

_She quietly walked up the stairs back to the sixth year girls' dormitory as the redhead she felt she loved pulled the other boy into a tight, perhaps more than it should've been, embrace. ~_

**Buskando entre mis fotos vi un retrato  
una carta que escribiste pa mi  
ya no pude contener mi llanto  
acostada en mi cama pense en ti.**

In another few days she was sitting on her bed, tears still coming in random, not quite as frequent, bursts, flipping through a photo album of her and her two closest friends' previous years of school. Nearing the end of the album a letter slipped out from between the pages. It had Ron's very unique handwriting on it, and she remembered the summer she had received it. It was the same summer she began thinking he possibly felt the same way for her that she felt for him.

The photo it had been tucked by was of the two of them, his arm around her shoulders, with huge smiles on both of their faces. She used to think the smile was because of her but now remembered that Harry had been standing behind the person taking the picture and realized it was most likely for him.

With that thought she threw down the photo album and began sobbing uncontrollably yet again.

**Y llore y sufri pensando en ti  
Y llore y sufri porque me acorde de ti  
Ay como me duele, ay como me duele  
Ay como me duele el corazon porque aun te amo  
Ya no encuentro la calma y no dejo de llorar  
Como le explico a mi alma que te tiene que olvidar**

She woke the next morning and slowly began packing her things, getting ready to return to school. She wondered how she would ever be able to control herself around them, seeing as she had been crying almost constantly for the whole of the holiday, never calming for more than ten or twenty minutes at a time. She knew they really were perfect for each other, but she couldn't help feeling hurt over it all. She had wanted Ron to herself, she felt she'd truly fallen in love with him and hadn't the slightest clue how she would ever get those specific feelings for him to leave her heart. But she also knew that, more than anything, she wanted their friendship to remain intact. She'd have to come to terms with the fact that instead of reciprocating her love for him, Ron had fallen for Harry, and Harry had fallen for Ron as well.

**Ay como me duele, ay como me duele****  
Ay como me duele el corazon porque aun te amo  
porque aun te amo  
porque aun te amo**

As she thought of what things would be like when they all were back together, tears slowly began falling down her cheeks again, though not nearly as hard as before. She decided the best course of action would be to be around them as little as possibly at first, explaining to them why so as not to hurt them or have them pursuing her for one, and slowly, as she got over Ron and came to terms with the shift in his and Harry's relationship, begin spending more time with them and getting back to how things were before; or at least as close to before as possible.

**porque aun te amo****  
porque aun te amo  
porque aun te amo**

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Right then, there it is. My first fic EVER……………..hope you weren't to tortured reading through it. I'm truly not gifted in the area of writing, but at least I acknowledge that. Well, if you feel so moved, tell me what you think of it and if I should write anything else after this :-) I'll gladly embrace all comments, even negative ones, I'm not inclined to be very picky

3 Lalo

Okay, so here is the song translated for those of you who don't speak Spanish. If you do speak Spanish and find something wrong with my translation, let me know 'cause I'm really not that good at translating.

**Como Me Duele – La Factoria**

**Se que ya te fuiste de mi lado_  
(I know that you've already left me)  
_**

**quise arrancarte de mi piel_  
(I wanted to push you from my life)*  
_**

**pero me di cuenta que aun te amo_  
(But I realized that I still love you)_  
**

**anoche mas que nunca te extrañe  
_(I missed you more than ever last night)_**

**y llore y sufri pensando en ti_  
(And I cried and suffered thinking of you)_  
**

**y llore y sufri porque me acorde de ti_  
(And I cried and suffered because I remembered you)_  
**

**Ay como me duele, ay como me duele_  
(Oh how it hurts me, oh how it hurts me)  
_**

**Ay como me duele el corazon porque aun te amo  
_(Oh how my heart hurts me because I still love you)_**

**Buskando entre mis fotos vi un retrato_  
(Looking through my photos I saw a picture)_  
**

**una carta que escribiste pa mi  
_(A letter that you wrote for me)_**

**ya no pude contener mi llanto_  
(I couldn't contain my cry)_*  
**

**acostada en mi cama pense en ti.  
_(Lying on my bed I thought of you)_**

**y llore y sufri pensando en ti_  
(And I cried and suffered thinking of you)_  
**

**y llore y sufri porque me acorde de ti_  
(And I cried and suffered because I remembered you)_  
**

**Ay como me duele, ay como me duele_  
(Oh how it hurts me, oh how it hurts me)  
_**

**Ay como me duele el corazon porque aun te amo  
_(Oh how my heart hurts me because I still love you)_**

**Ya no encuentro la calma y no dejo de llorar_  
(I can't calm down and haven't stopped crying)* _  
**

**Como le explico ami alma que te tiene que olvidar_  
(How can I explain to my soul that it has to forget you)_**

**Ay como me duele, ay como me duele_  
(Oh how it hurts me, oh how it hurts me)  
_**

**Ay como me duele el corazon porque aun te amo  
_(Oh how my heart hurts me because I still love you)_**

**porque aun te amo_  
(Because I still love you)_**

**porque aun te amo_  
(Because I still love you)_**

**porque aun te amo_  
(Because I still love you)_**

_*_ I'm not entirely sure that's the best way to phrase the line


End file.
